I'm a dick, I'm a dick, I'm addicted to WAMP WAMP WHAT IT DO WHAT IT DO
SHIT I'VE WRIT
If there is any reason I should go to jail for what I have written, please mail me first so that maybe I do not have to go to jail. Thank you.
Some of you are expecting a joke here. Like HIV stands for “Hilarious Internet Vegetarian” or something stupid like that. No, this time there’s no joke. Last week at a Kaiser in West Covina, I was told that I have HIV.
It’s not easy for me to put this into words, and it all happened so fast. Just over a week ago, things were going better than ever. I was finally back home after weeks on the…
First people think he’s retired then he’s told by a medical professional that he’s got HIV. Hard out here for a funnyman.
Anonymous said: You really ought to spend less time bitching about legal gun owners. Perhaps you can use all the energy you've saved to grow yourself some semblance of a brain?
You’re right, I feel way better, good luck with life
I spent all last night and all today dwelling on this and it’s time. I tried to write a long essay (okay, longer) about it but it felt too navel-gazey and I didn’t know when I would finish it, and seeing as it was the last thing holding me back, I’m just gonna keep it for myself and do this instead.
I’m going on an internet communication hiatus. I cut all my other vices out of my life and this one just ballooned to fill the void. I never aimlessly browse Facebook, but I check it once every four minutes to make sure I’m not missing a conversation that simply demands my input. I write on so many posts that I get a constant stream of notifications, bare minimum fifty a day. And all for the purpose of being first on the scene, first to get my word in. I do believe I’m practicing writing, but I’m not feeding my brain nearly enough to make it valuable. I’m starting to regurgitate for the sake of eating my own vomit (nice, nailed it). There’s other ways to practice that don’t demand obsession.
On top of that, I’m sick of the voices online. It’s been 16 years. I’ve heard it all. There are plenty of interesting people who wrote, like, books n’ shit, and I could be reading those rather than symmetrically screaming at the -7 year olds on tumblr & public fb groups. (You read that right, they are negative seven years old. That’s the maturity level.) I’d rather synthesize some real, cool thoughts with my own oddball beliefs over bashing my skull into a brick wall over and over, howling “I’m doin’ it dad, i’m really doin’ it” and ignoring the death masque my shredded face takes on.
There’s a lot more to it than just that, but the point is, I’m gonna exhibit internet self-control for the first time since I was staying up til 2am to yell at fuckers on GameFAQs about whether Marle or Lucca was hotter. Yes, I am just getting around to correcting behavior from when I was ten years old, behavior that was just as fucked then as it is now. I’ve been faintly aware (namely because I use the internet to an insane degree compared to everyone around me) that it needed to be addressed. It didn’t seem possible because I grew up in the internet, and considering leaving was like thinking “what, explore space? without the Earth I’ll just float in nothingness and the oxygen will be gone, I’m gonna stay on the ground and chill. forever”
I’m gonna try to avoid consuming content on tumblr and twitter, but you may still see me post for my own sake about the shit I like because I don’t see much of a purpose in writing if people can’t read it, and I’m def still gonna be writing. No reblog conversations though. Never again. Alternately, I will read Facebook, and it has to stay operational for the sake of my job plus bitchin party invites, but I won’t be commenting or posting anything, including chat messages. E-mail and phone and Skype are great; now that I’ve sobered up, the idea of talking to people isn’t as much of a chore (the act of it never was, but damn do I have little faith in my social performance.) If you want more details about my recent life like why I fled the Westfield mall choking back tears on Memorial Day or how my body has gone from requiring eleven hours of sleep a night to insisting I only get four, feel free to holler at your boy. (I am nobody’s boy but my father’s.) And I’m sorry to anyone who feels like I haven’t been present for their lives, trust that it wasn’t a choice. Or it was a choice, on my part, for fear, which might as well not be a choice. Also I’ve apparently made the choice to make no sense.
I don’t know how long I’ll be doing this for, but a goal isn’t necessary. I feel calmer already. Besides, I’ve got something else to care about right now:
Please meet Ponce. He’s named after a cat in a screenplay I wrote, a cat that the main characters had to get back home to at any cost. Didn’t expect to meet the role’s eventual actor in my back alley. This Ponce was recently abandoned by one of my neighbors and is so dumb & sweet & fucking adorably moronic & fat, very very fat, that the real world would have certainly killed him. I can identify with 3/4ths of that. I think he’s a boy, I don’t know too many details about him, I literally Pied Piper’d him into my apartment three hours ago. He’s the closest thing to a serendipitous nature spirit that I’ve ever met and we’re both very lucky to meet each other right now. He’s making happy paws in my lap as I type. Look at the two of us charmers with our smiles.
Anyway. Here goes nothing. (Literally.)
See you later, space cowb— [I stumble on the curb and put my right foot out to keep me from falling but the added pressure of my step opens a pothole into an ancient Mayan sinkhole filled with vipers and I fall in and the vipers start biting me lots but you, watching all this, kinda crack a smile and my swelling face contorts into something supposedly similar] —oy
PS Even though I doubt he’ll read this because that’s sort of the point, special thanks to Ethan, who has always supported my writing to an exemplary degree and, with that in mind, has likely never read this tumblr or, for that matter, anything I post online and has always insisted to my face that “blogging doesn’t mean shit.” Dude’s a sage.
Considering the rule of responsible gun ownership that “you only draw your gun if you intend to fire it.”
The rule must be discussed this strictly otherwise it will lead to irresponsible gun usage. We discuss it this way because it is the safest way to mentally-prepare gun owners for the possibility of firing their gun and taking life. Whether or not real-life situations unfold otherwise, the hypothetical must be presented this way.
If you talk about it any other way, you are introducing doubt, doubt in the decision-making process, doubt that could lead to someone getting killed. A gun owner a) must fire their gun upon drawing it, and if they don’t, b) they can end up murdered or c) it is not truly life-or-death. Those are the three outcomes when we speak of this in the hypothetical. To state otherwise is dishonest, this is how you must talk about it or some gun-owner will remember what you said about how you don’t always have to fire the gun when you pull it and that’ll be the day that the criminal is a little quicker on the draw.
These fuckers can’t understand the gravity of what they’ve been trusted with. This is why I state that guns are killing manifest, and I didn’t know how to elucidate why ‘til now. Goddamn I feel like I’ve taken four levels in Gun Understanding over the course of the night (I also hit the level cap to choose my next class, it’s been a busy twelve hours, but I’ll be writing about that soon. I really feel like I’m winding down now. Shitty sad role-playing game references notwithstanding).
If anyone wants to argue this, please re-state my argument first to prove you understand this point, because I honestly feel like it’s too abstract for the tumblr audience given how the discussion has progressed so far.
It is the same way in South Carolina. You CAN present a weapon in order to scare off a threat, and 99% of the time, it works, and you do not need to fire a single shot. Most criminals are cowards, and like animal predators, they look for the weakest, easiest prey, the ones least likely to harm THEM. As soon as they realize that their intended victim is capable of not only hurting, but killing them, most will retreat rather than risk injury or death to themselves. You are allowed in my state to meet force with equal or greater force, but once the threat is nullified, or the instigator backs down or retreats, you must also reduce your force. In other words, you are not allowed to continue with force once your attacker backs away. You are only allowed to use whatever force is needed to stop the attack on your or another person. If you have a REASONABLE reason to believe that your life is in danger, you are allowed to use deadly force to stop the threat. IF you do have to fire a shot, however, it is recommended to aim for the center of mass, in other words, shoot to KILL. You cannot shoot a retreating attacker or one who has been incapacitated by other means, and modern ballistic investigations WILL prove the circumstances under which someone was shot. That can make all the difference as to whether a defensive shooter has no charges filed against them, or whether they themselves will wind up with murder charges.
First off: when was the last time you had to draw a gun on someone in a life-or-death situation? If you’re alive or you haven’t killed anyone else, the answer is never. You may have been in a dangerous situation where you pulled your gun, and you demonstrated irresponsible gun ownership in that moment.
The moment you give an instigator to back down or retreat is the moment that they can kill you.
If you believe they are retreating, then the situation was never as life-or-death as you thought because the possibility of their retreat exists. It is “life-or-death,” not “life-or-death-or-wow-guess-i-lucked-out”
It would be so easy for you to say “hm yeah I guess that’s right” and nothing about your position on gun control or gun rights has to change. You’re just going “SHIT NO I DEMAND THAT THIS GUY WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING, WE GUN-PARTNERS GOTTA STICK TOGETHER (TO OUR GUNS LOL RIGHT GUYS? TOTAL LOL)” This doesn’t preclude that responsible gun ownership exists— why are you refusing to learn anything?
Is it because you’re scared? Scared of the power you hold? Scared that you may find yourself in a situation where you use your gun? Doesn’t seem worth owning a gun to me.
Don’t worry I won’t argue this further I’m just glad my thoughts made it to you.