January 2012
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"Life in Funtown"
“I’m gonna punch that blue fuzzdick right in his jiggling eyes!!” Everyone shrinks. For a piece of a second I wonder if their fear was worth getting so worked up over the issue. Then I remember our advertisers.
Melznick’s pasty-ass face is the first to breach whatever forcefield around me is pushing the rest of these sycophants back. “An- a-absolutely justified. We think...
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Listverse - "10 National Fast Foods You Should... →
Are they presuming that I haven’t tried hamburgers, pizza, burritos or french fries? This is a joke, right? Or is Listverse based in a famine-ravaged country? I did have a lamb-burger (lamburger?) in Chinatown today and that was ill. $3 KINDA ILL
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WatchThey always know how to combine the pastoral and the threatening. It’s Sleigh Bells, ladies and gents.
I kinda want to be Derek.
I’ll drop some more tomorrow, I’ve been meaning to get the less-marketable fruits of my labor onto tumblr to at least prove to y’all (and again, myself) that I actually write things
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"Walker"
“Jeeeeesus,” I hummed through gritted teeth, already pocketed by the other patrons. Stairways should be wider than two abreast. To be trapped behind these meandering nobodies, swaying like they lift their legs using the opposite shoulder, feels like an attack on my own freedom; life, liberty, and pursuit of walking at a comfortable clip. One step. Two step.
I had to run for...
Yo I’m gonna post some flash fiction I wrote last semester. Hope that’s okay with you, self. Why yes it is. Glad I could help me.
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“Heard you say suicide in your sleep
Just get on with it you were born to lose...”
– “Born to Lose” by Sleigh Bells.
Even though I read it as bitterly sarcastic, it still feels positively devilish to bump a song that encourages suicide. Take that, Good Charlotte!
Heartless Bitches International - "Why 'Nice Guys'... →
I seriously think this could be one of the most important things an adolescent male could read. I nice-guyed plenty from like 13-16 yrs old, but didn’t even realize it was a thing until a year or two ago. I don’t post this because I think my peers are devious manipulators, but because every romantic-comedy has cast a “nice guy” as the leading role and to take his techniques...
Under ACTA, airport officials would be allowed to... →
swagandpassion:
eyanj:
kidkoni:
keyairruh:
geekscoutcookies:
graham-bailey:
fucking hell
#minuswell hand my shit over then.
Fuck that. Im driving…
My mp3 player will just stay at the house. Boom. Take THAT, government.
newsflash. they could already do this. just like they could do it with laptops. and flash drives.
Oh.
I’m only reblogging this because someone wrote...
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The Night I Die
INT - FUTURE HOSPICE - MIDNIGHT Brian scrolls faster and faster, flipping his fingers down the holo-screen, the years falling away like gross old leaves. 2008, 2007, 2006… He finally arrives at the “Born” page on Facebook, ignoring the 16 year gap missing from his life. What should greet him but a PICTURE OF A CAT ON A KEYBOARD IN SPACE that he uploaded as such a naive...
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Archer S03E04 Lines
“Yeah, it’s pretty hard to stay anonymous when you’re the world’s greatest secret agent.”
“Ha! Elaborate voicemail hoax. Leave it.” “Yeah! Right in the head and ass!” “Damn! Krieger can’t outrun anything with all that handicap shit!” “You should get a Bat-Pole.” “9,000 bucks.” “I forgot...
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Sleigh Bells, “Comeback Kid”
As the herald of all things Sleigh Bells, here’s the newest track from the album. Let it lift you off the ringside of life, pick you up from the post-tackle Astroturf of being, or kick you right in your adrenaline sac as you sit in the penalty box of humanity. This is your time to shine, and Alexis is gonna sing you to victory with her most present...
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i think i'm a little too into childish gambino...
Funny you should say that:
Team Teamwork, “Childish Gambino - Let Me Dope You (Streets of Rage)”
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There are people out there who believe that you can type in any query to Wikipedia and it will spit out a non-verified answer which is then copied and pasted into the research paper of your choice.
When will people stop thinking of Wikipedia as a lazy rip-off of the real encyclopedia and begin to consider it as, simply, a faster encyclopedia? If I’m writing a paper about butts, I could go...
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The Weeknd - "House of Echoes" →
I remember hearing RnB on the radio when I listened to 95.5 THE BEAT!!! in like 2002 and wondering why anyone would ever dig such sentimental schlocky mess (with the exception of Usher, obviously.)
Fast forward a decade and this is some of the coolest, sexiest music I know. This is just realer than those Celine Dion wannabes that came before. Download this album. Download all of The Weeknd for...
iamdonald:
Childish Gambino - Mixtape
Coming soon.
Hey I lived in the shadow of Stone Mountain. Represent… a very sad place.
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I wish I was friends with folk musician Will Kimbrough so that one day I’d be having a pool party and he’d come over and indicate the cool, lapping water and be like “so when are you gonna jump in?” And I’d flip the last burger patty, take off my shades, and reply “you know I Will … Swim-bro!”
He’d get it.
“It’s as easy as shooting fish and babies in a barrel, but the fish are all dead cause there’s no water to breathe, only babies that can’t really maneuver all the dead fish; still nice and easy, though!”
This sentence sprung into my mind and I think it’s a good sign that my brain is recharging from the past semester.
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I fixed all the .gifs I posted, so you should click here to see them in action. I knew that would happen and I still let it go. I’m ashamed. Enjoy.
heh
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This year I promise to resolve less.
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December 2011
54 posts
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I’m leaving the warm snuggly all-encompassing embrace of the internet for awhile.
So while I’m gone, here’s some of my favorite .gifs. They have all my personality.
And if it doesn’t work, I can’t exactly fix it until I’m back, so nards.
“Hey we’ve got a place to sleep it’s no problem you can stay at my friend’s car” - me on New Year’s
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I’d like everyone to meet my 4 most recent followers: Pauletta Ortlieb, Jaimie Fedler, Kareen Luvert and Dong Springer.
You had me at “Fuck balls” RT @geooorgiefruit Fuck balls fuck assholes
And I know a thing or two about capturing girls
Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day I was dead of no-heart